Posted on September 17, 2018
There it was, the thought we’ve all tried to shut down immediately, “everyone marries a stranger.” As fully grown intelligent adults we would love to believe that we know the person we get intimately involved with. The reality, however, is that the divorce rates say otherwise. We don’t really know what we are getting into when we say, “I do.”
Putting a ring on someone’s finger doesn’t exactly say that because a diamond will last the long run the bride and the groom will too. We try to see what our parents have done to make it through the years but most of us in this modern masquerade perform a masterpiece of misery. A series of unfortunate events gone viral throughout the families lines and eventually created the chaos in which we came out of.
All of this comes with smiling pictures in sunny picture frames only to notice a side of a coke addict spouse and a history of infidelity. Where have we gone so wrong in our culture? It seems as if even some of the most honorable American family systems are breaking down in the most unexpected ways. When that one good dad everyone knew as a honorable moral character finds himself with a not-so-faithful-anymore-fling, why even bother believing in the ring?
But call it the eternal hopeless romantic of a little girl’s big dreams, we trust that one day we will find someone to love and be loved by. We wish upon a shooting star, blow another eyelash off our cheek, and tap our heels together three times to ensure that love will bring us back home in the arms of our beloved.
It’s too bad the reality is a tornado has hit and all we really can do is be happy we are still alive after the fact. Twisted love stories aside, when we do finally build up the confidence to lay our hand out to be taken by a real man, and not one from a fairytale, we must know that we are engaged in some stranger-danger.
We may have dated for 5 years or only 5 months but still the probability of failure and success stays the same. Just the other night I met a woman who was engaged and I asked her, “How long has she been with her fiance?” She casually replies two months and she’ll be married in three more, “It’s common in my culture” she added. Sure orthodox jews speed up the dating process and don’t even touch until the wedding night, but did that make their marriages any more or less successful? Numbers say the odds don’t discriminate regardless of what customs we practice but there definitely was something to what the rabbi said today.
It is from our absolute dedication to a solemn vow that makes the difference between romantic inquirers and life-long lovers. Dating to encounter as many experiences possible to discern what fits with an individual’s eccentric energy is a precarious pursuit with no guarantee and the hazardous hidden cost of heartbreak. Is it just best we stop searching, settle down, and tie a sturdy knot?
Devoting our lives to a man we know now doesn’t mean we will be married to that same man in the next fifteen years after time has worn him down to the truth. The question then seems to expand into wondering how to unlocking a man’s inner integrity. How can we find such a key if we are dealing with an incomplete and puzzling lock? We seem to forget that marriage is the most binding contract between two people especially when involving children.The whole thought process makes, “till death do us part” sound more like, “part of our own personal deaths.” So we better choose wisely and listen up,
How does one judge a man’s character only on what he has done today, and not what he will do in the future?
I guess with Yom Kippur hanging over men and women’s heads alike, we can all agree only an infinite being is capable of having that answer.
Please leave your thoughts in the comments section below! We would love to hear your thoughts and for inquiries email: Victoriaantis1996@gmail.com Thanks, Shana Tova!
Posted on September 11, 2018
The new year has put a lot of new thoughts into question about some jewish traditions. A rabbi once said to me, “The meeting is only important for the men to see the woman.” In jewish culture it is known that men and women meet each other for the first time already knowing a lot of intimate details about the other person but in order to assure the couple is an ideal match obviously the meeting is mandatory. At first thought one could think that was because both people would need to have chemistry to really know if they like each other but he reassured me, the meeting was for the man.
The rabbi clearly thought looks are not as important to women as men, but in reality that is just one big lie.
Talking about this guy I met at the beach, my friend asked, “Was he attractive?” I innately responded that, “It didn’t matter” but looking at a new pair of muscles and strong blue eyes earlier today, the statement had to be retracted. Physical attraction does matter. When we see someone as cute with a great build it’s built into our system to surrender to our senses. It matters more than we think it does, even though it’s not in the way we think of it does, because when we see strength in someone’s body we are programmed to see the endurance to lift us off our feet, literally.
Physical attraction is more than just the physical, however, it definitely includes the actually physicality of a person. Who do we actually see in the role of relationship and how does their look characterize the person we are with? Is his hair like a surfer’s? Does he always wear a buttoned up shirt? Why are his shoes so dirty? How genuine is his smile? Sight being the initial key sense but does he actually know how to use those lips, is he even a good talker?
Later in the day there was another very attractive male but somehow the aesthetic intrigue was falling flat and the silent conversation was the sound of its lack in luster. They say, “talk is cheap” and sometimes it’s nice to wonder if some hot guy could actually sweep us away into the sunset without all the fus of figuring out if he actually is as flawless as his face, but that’s no fairytale that’s a farce!
The truth rings our ears like a shofar being blown. Women need more than a pretty face and a nice body, but we want a man that takes care of how he appears. No one wants to date a hobo!
Then come to think of it, just like earlier, there are some men that could be absolutely breathtaking and yet there is not a thing about them that makes us want to jump in bed with them while Hairy Harry has got us hotter then a steam shower. And all because Harry knows how to use his words, not to mention his mouth. What do women want? Exactly that, women want attraction and that means to evoke interest, but only the interest of an investment worth desiring. It’s foolish to think that men value appearances more than women, mainly because obviously men base their attraction off of beauty, why would women not be designed like that too?