Posted on September 12, 2018
Walking through The street of Jerusalem, one could appreciate the aromas of fresh baked bread and the sight of happy families searching for some dinner in the shuk. Loud as the growls of a fasting stomach the thought kept flipping over in my mind. “The right guy at the wrong time is the wrong guy,” that’s what a friend said to me this morning. It must be true, time has spoken and it’s intuitive response was a no go. Most people run through relationships like they run through cell phones, and everyone always seems to be upgrading even if their phone is brand new. Something inside says there’s no point of getting a new device if the person using the technology doesn’t even know how to handle all its power.
When a woman goes through a breakup it’s vital to her self-image to enjoy the music of being single and take this next slow dance solo. Yeah, it’s a lot to ask to put ourselves in check and take ‘me,’ off the market. It takes serious self-control not to totally forget the emotional state we are in and focus in on our relationship with ourselves. Seeing so many amazing guys pass us by it gets deceiving knowing we aren’t ready to fall back in love with someone else.
“Is he the one and I just don’t know it because I’m emotionally numb right now? Am I missing a blessing or is this just a test from the universe of how great is my moral character?” Tempted as we are to fill the void of one relationship with another, we all know that it’s impractical. He could be the most practical option, a Harvard graduate, a man who values family, a great conversationalist, and even treats you like a queen out in the real world and in the sheets, but still he couldn’t compete with the damage done to a broken heart.
“How long will it take?” we mourn the amount of time it takes like the impatience to break a fast. Growling to move on, we keep moving forward without a clue of direction only knowing it’s too painful to go back. “He wasn’t right for us,” we try to get ourselves to believe, but the second we see a faded picture of the past we remember the stain of his soul. He was our soul mate, for a time, and now that time has came and gone. Will we ever be able to feel that love for someone else? That deep eye contact that can last infinitely, “Can we really recreate that with someone else?”
In comes Mr.RightGuyattheWrongTime and he’s just so good to us, just so perfectly qualified for the position of boyfriend, and wants nothing more than your soul, but what good is a soul that feels split in two and are we really supposed to just jump back into passion payment plan without a commitment to self? Is life really swinging from one possible family tree to the next? With the ghost of a former lover haunting the newly bought home of a couple, it doesn’t matter how scared the connection, the two are bond to get spooked out.
So dear Mr.RightGuyattheWrongTime, I’m sorry but I must respectfully decline your offer to honor your time and protect my heart.
Posted on September 11, 2018
The new year has put a lot of new thoughts into question about some jewish traditions. A rabbi once said to me, “The meeting is only important for the men to see the woman.” In jewish culture it is known that men and women meet each other for the first time already knowing a lot of intimate details about the other person but in order to assure the couple is an ideal match obviously the meeting is mandatory. At first thought one could think that was because both people would need to have chemistry to really know if they like each other but he reassured me, the meeting was for the man.
The rabbi clearly thought looks are not as important to women as men, but in reality that is just one big lie.
Talking about this guy I met at the beach, my friend asked, “Was he attractive?” I innately responded that, “It didn’t matter” but looking at a new pair of muscles and strong blue eyes earlier today, the statement had to be retracted. Physical attraction does matter. When we see someone as cute with a great build it’s built into our system to surrender to our senses. It matters more than we think it does, even though it’s not in the way we think of it does, because when we see strength in someone’s body we are programmed to see the endurance to lift us off our feet, literally.
Physical attraction is more than just the physical, however, it definitely includes the actually physicality of a person. Who do we actually see in the role of relationship and how does their look characterize the person we are with? Is his hair like a surfer’s? Does he always wear a buttoned up shirt? Why are his shoes so dirty? How genuine is his smile? Sight being the initial key sense but does he actually know how to use those lips, is he even a good talker?
Later in the day there was another very attractive male but somehow the aesthetic intrigue was falling flat and the silent conversation was the sound of its lack in luster. They say, “talk is cheap” and sometimes it’s nice to wonder if some hot guy could actually sweep us away into the sunset without all the fus of figuring out if he actually is as flawless as his face, but that’s no fairytale that’s a farce!
The truth rings our ears like a shofar being blown. Women need more than a pretty face and a nice body, but we want a man that takes care of how he appears. No one wants to date a hobo!
Then come to think of it, just like earlier, there are some men that could be absolutely breathtaking and yet there is not a thing about them that makes us want to jump in bed with them while Hairy Harry has got us hotter then a steam shower. And all because Harry knows how to use his words, not to mention his mouth. What do women want? Exactly that, women want attraction and that means to evoke interest, but only the interest of an investment worth desiring. It’s foolish to think that men value appearances more than women, mainly because obviously men base their attraction off of beauty, why would women not be designed like that too?
Posted on September 9, 2018
Not too hot not too cold because for this foreign invader to be able to penetrate our princess’ palace the chemistry must be just right. Don’t get it mixed up, we experiment with the mixture. Try to calculate out any remaining factors but the common denominator is this: we want it in his kiss. Like a love song by a fabulous diva, if you want to know if he loves you so! Sure there could be fireworks of heat between two people but the hotness can just as easily evaporate into a faded sparkle while Mr.Sizzling slithers over to the next sale. We could be totally in love with a person only to find the lust died and Larry laid with Linda. So then what?
Be practical, logical, go with your reason. Your heart drove you down the gutter, but this time your mind is in the driver seat. Back on the road to success, the offers being thrown at us come from every corner and side street, but we stay in our lane. Normally the next stop on our destination is anything but the location we mapped out. Even more aimless the target we hit is usually a pit stop or worst a bump in the road! But for the sake of an argument let’s say we meet Mr.Right just as our engine is on empty, isn’t it absolutely wrong of us not to consider the longevity of our travels? We could of clicked-in all the necessary seat belts, have our airbags ready to go, but still we wouldn’t go anywhere without some gas in the tank. Not to mention Mr.Right is not Mr.Perfect so there’s bound to be general maintenance to be done, and who’s going to the shop for a mechanic when there’s no fuel? Even without switching the gear to drive we question it’s durability.
And ironically the next in the assembly line of possible suitors always tends to be the most polarized to the last relationship we gone through. With so many bouncing thoughts going back and forth, from this guy to someone else, testing one extreme to the next. We commit the number one deadly single girl sin: we compare and contrast. We couldn’t help it if we tried, we need to have more than faith to ensure that the chemical combination will leave us in the right climate for incubation. We search and research all the data to maintain the proper conditions of an environment that may facilitate the ideal relationship.
The perfect temperature is normally your middle man.
He’s the man right in the middle. Not too sweet, not too bitter, not too boring, not too fun, he’s at the midpoint. Directly in the center of all our needs, and even more appropriate he’s always exactly on time. Not too soon after a breakup but also not too late when we already have a husband and kids. He’s a timeless opportunity, the American Dream for women all over the world! And he’s completely fictional. Made up in our heads like a fairytale ending. The princess in a tower doesn’t always get rescued by her prince, sometimes she’s left there to be burned by her own inner beast or worst left to wrinkle away in time.
At the risk of being devoured by our own mental demons or becoming bleak and lifeless from using up our eggs, is there a gamble to picking the flower petals, “He loves me, He loves me not?” Funny enough sometimes when we play this little girl’s game we actually question, “Do I love him, do I love him not?” Pick another petal and make a wish, we don’t all get a happy ending. Cup of coffee anyone?
Posted on September 8, 2018
A woman from my oil painting class once said to me, “Men are like buses, there’s one every minute and some rides are less bumpy than others.” Don’t take her word for it, go out and look! I didn’t really believe her at first because at the time I was newly single and the only male I wanted time with was my cat. Even after a month of solitude I went back out into the grand globe with the gullible notion that since I wasn’t interested in guys, they too would lack interest in me! This was not the case. Moving to a new country with heavy baggage, breakup weight, and easily fried skin, I didn’t realize I was that much of a person of interest. One by one there would be some sort of suggestive second take involving creep eye contact, a way too happy smile back at me, or some person holding me longer in meaningless conversations starting with, “Where are you from?”
That’s not even a quarter of it either. Men at pizza places would speak Hebrew and then aggressively ask my friend if he was my boyfriend. Can’t a girl just order a vegan slice of pizza without the side of making a pass at me? Not to mention the awkward dance around actually needing place to crash for the night without trying to instigate a seriously sketchy situation, “I just need a place to crash are you sure I’ll I have my own place to sleep, or are you just going to try and take advantage of the situation here?” Talking with a brilliant and beautiful independent woman she states her frustrations as well, “What makes them so entitled to my time? I have important stuff I could be doing with my time why should it be wasted feeling bad for turning down attention I don’t want?” Valid statement because there is no argument about this there is definitely, “one every minute.” Look around ladies, to the left, to the right, downtown, uptown, or passed the corner, guys all over the place don’t care what emotional place a woman’s in, they don’t care if her physique isn’t up to her goal shape, or even if she has a career of her own. No, men all over the world pile up their offers to as many candidates possible and see if there’s any takers.
Could anyone imagine if women worked this way? Suddenly the guy we bump into at a falafel stand turns into dinner and movie merely because he flirted back, I don’t think so. Women don’t date off of chance, women don’t go out there looking just to look, women go out there to find their mate. Women are looking for something specific and sustainable. Don’t let the fairytales we love so much get it twisted, what we want is actually very simple and realistic! What we absolutely don’t want is a guy who will waste our time confusing us on that road to our story book ending! So why are we wasting our time?
Single and ready to mingle, but who are we actually mingling with? That’s why most of us girls feel there is not, “one every minute.” Women run around frantic to find that ‘one,’ the ‘other-half,’ the missing piece to this never-ending puzzle we are trying to solve and the worst is once a woman has felt she found a partner that even subtly suggests they could be candidate material we attach. “Johnny likes sushi, has a six figure salary, and loves his mother plus he’s wicked in bed and a killer on the eyes! Where will I find another hot stable guy that likes sushi and actually remembers to call his mother like this?” The instinct of scarcity slides back in and we lose sight of several other suitors. Even when Johnny turns out to be texting Sally-on-the-side in front of our face a thought passes, “he did take me out to dinner all weekend long he must just miss his friends.”
Once a woman has locked a man into this unattainable ideal she’ll do anything to keep him propped up there for the fear of going out in the world of very scarce quality matches. We cling and hold onto anything somewhat satisfying out of fear, “What if there’s nothing better than what I already have?” With so much to conquer in this matrix and a time limit stated, the personal question of scarcity that takes it a step further asks, “What if there’s nothing better than being alone?” If there’s one every minute and there’s no time to waste, “why bother being in a relationship with these time wasters?” Who cares if someone immediately sees a person as smart, funny, independent, and beautiful, if that person doesn’t see that within themselves they will never be ready to date. It maybe a little bleak but think about it, even if a woman finds a ten out of ten perfect guy if she doesn’t believe she herself is one worthy of him she will never be able to meet him, “face to face.” So why even bother with relationships when we are all intimately involved in a story line of independence? Besides, there’s one every minute.
Posted on August 31, 2018
We have all heard of the fairytale, the one where the prince slays the dragon and saves the princess. The last lines in those stories are always, “And they lived happily ever after.” Happily ever after in reality is not that difficult to achieve. No man is defeating a giant beast to get into your pants and even more perplexing he doesn’t even have to put a ring on it to get his way. Instead courting has become a thing of confusing crossroads a bunch of unperceived obstacles of yes or no. It would seem like an empowering feat for us women, yet most of us girls are just trying to discern what rings our bell as truth. We try on and change men like clothes in a dressing room all to find the right fit. Then suddenly out of complete random chance we find it, the perfect outfit that hugs our specific curvy figure just right. This is otherwise known as our first real love. We fantasize our wedding day, the house will have, and even names we may call our future kids. But what really happens after happily ever after, is we begin to discover it’s really more significant what actually happens after. Does Prince Charming have any unusual corks? Are you not such a pretty pretty princess after all? What witchcraft can be done to sustain a healthy hot and heavy union? Do we need some kind of magic spell to make him spellbound for life? And what about us, can we preserve our passion through the perils of partnership? How long does love last between two lusting lurkers, and how well does it hold up against a couple paired on practicality? At first thought one may say a relationship built on lust is a shakier foundation but the fundamentals in a combined team make the separation from friends to lovers. Some people say, “it’s better to marry someone who loves you more.” Doesn’t that thought seem a bit bleak. It’s a dark life when one sets themselves up to be engaged in a commitment one does not really love, especially when that promise is for life. “To death till we part,” we say but what death are we referring to, his, her’s, or their love?