There it is again, that feeling. The unmistakable moment of blood rushing up from your core because you’re knocking on the door, and no one is answering. The only thing looking back at you is an empty page. The white void of just nothing behind the screen but a bunch of CSS and HTML. But here we are, sketched on the page and colored in by a personal shade of choice. “Where am I? What do we look like?” we ask ourselves. Shaken by the sight in the mirror we begin to see, and it makes us want to puke. Something about it doesn’t sit in the stomach.
We are absolutely alone.
We are in our own time and it seems timeless.
We are nobody and anyone we want to be, all at once.
We are the person who answers the door and the one who walks through it.
No one stands in our way. No one, except someone that goes by no one who happens to be someone who is no one, and someone has to be no one. We are that one. We are the one heartbeat that everything is alright. There is no one in the way. No one but, the no one we wish to see in ourselves. It’s the hardest part of growing up, no longer can you be distracted by the constant background of social groups and contrasting characters. There’s just too many faces to really see our own and the mirror gets fogged by the cloud of countless people. Finally, we have nothing to see but ourselves. And the illumination is a dangerously beautiful mixture.
We have become ourselves. Nothing to see here but the chiseled contexts of core beliefs and a brainwashing upbringing. And just like that a diamond is carved from the mines of man’s mental expression. Sure, there’s still work to be done. We have to sand down the edges and polish it off, but at the very least we held our ground and now it’s our time to learn how to make ourselves shine. So it’s not about anyone around you, it’s about you. You realizing the priceless jewel of self. What’s our inner pearls? Can we crack open the shell?
Nothing there but the frame of an opened door, and we are the ones to walk through it. We are the ones to take that step, that first qualifying leap, that we are ready to cross over the threshold. We begin to have immediate doubt and fear of the inconceivable, “Are we actually enough?” No not us, we are no one! No one is not enough. To be enough, we have to be someone. “Yeah that sounds right,” we say to ourselves, and it would sound like the truth, but our wise wide eyes can already see everyone is no one. That someone you see as a ‘someone’ is actually no one at all. We are all no one and everyone and anything we’d like to be. What are we?
A blab of emotions thinking, talking, eating, breathing, acting.
What role do we want to play? Because everyday is a new day do perform a new part in the masterpiece of self-mastery. We can be the magician of this mural and the high priestess of the divine, but what about the fun loving fool? The scary thing is we are that too. We are like that pink bunny that shows up everytime a Sim becomes depressed, we know how to get laugh. Looking like Legally Blonde got invited to a ‘costume’ party for a few stops on this bus ride, why should we care if they don’t know what Halloween is in Israel? The jokes on them, we don’t need their approval. The holiday is already so much like every other day. Only now the whole world is laughing at us because we’re different. And it shatters our self-esteem.
Breakdown all the walls of this house and see that we’re babies. We are the children that are raising ourselves. We may kick and scream that we don’t want to be who and what we are, but here we are. The unapologetic version of ourselves. Don’t worry no one is looking, we are all by ourselves.