A woman from my oil painting class once said to me, “Men are like buses, there’s one every minute and some rides are less bumpy than others.” Don’t take her word for it, go out and look! I didn’t really believe her at first because at the time I was newly single and the only male I wanted time with was my cat. Even after a month of solitude I went back out into the grand globe with the gullible notion that since I wasn’t interested in guys, they too would lack interest in me! This was not the case. Moving to a new country with heavy baggage, breakup weight, and easily fried skin, I didn’t realize I was that much of a person of interest. One by one there would be some sort of suggestive second take involving creep eye contact, a way too happy smile back at me, or some person holding me longer in meaningless conversations starting with, “Where are you from?”
That’s not even a quarter of it either. Men at pizza places would speak Hebrew and then aggressively ask my friend if he was my boyfriend. Can’t a girl just order a vegan slice of pizza without the side of making a pass at me? Not to mention the awkward dance around actually needing place to crash for the night without trying to instigate a seriously sketchy situation, “I just need a place to crash are you sure I’ll I have my own place to sleep, or are you just going to try and take advantage of the situation here?” Talking with a brilliant and beautiful independent woman she states her frustrations as well, “What makes them so entitled to my time? I have important stuff I could be doing with my time why should it be wasted feeling bad for turning down attention I don’t want?” Valid statement because there is no argument about this there is definitely, “one every minute.” Look around ladies, to the left, to the right, downtown, uptown, or passed the corner, guys all over the place don’t care what emotional place a woman’s in, they don’t care if her physique isn’t up to her goal shape, or even if she has a career of her own. No, men all over the world pile up their offers to as many candidates possible and see if there’s any takers.
Could anyone imagine if women worked this way? Suddenly the guy we bump into at a falafel stand turns into dinner and movie merely because he flirted back, I don’t think so. Women don’t date off of chance, women don’t go out there looking just to look, women go out there to find their mate. Women are looking for something specific and sustainable. Don’t let the fairytales we love so much get it twisted, what we want is actually very simple and realistic! What we absolutely don’t want is a guy who will waste our time confusing us on that road to our story book ending! So why are we wasting our time?
Single and ready to mingle, but who are we actually mingling with? That’s why most of us girls feel there is not, “one every minute.” Women run around frantic to find that ‘one,’ the ‘other-half,’ the missing piece to this never-ending puzzle we are trying to solve and the worst is once a woman has felt she found a partner that even subtly suggests they could be candidate material we attach. “Johnny likes sushi, has a six figure salary, and loves his mother plus he’s wicked in bed and a killer on the eyes! Where will I find another hot stable guy that likes sushi and actually remembers to call his mother like this?” The instinct of scarcity slides back in and we lose sight of several other suitors. Even when Johnny turns out to be texting Sally-on-the-side in front of our face a thought passes, “he did take me out to dinner all weekend long he must just miss his friends.”
Once a woman has locked a man into this unattainable ideal she’ll do anything to keep him propped up there for the fear of going out in the world of very scarce quality matches. We cling and hold onto anything somewhat satisfying out of fear, “What if there’s nothing better than what I already have?” With so much to conquer in this matrix and a time limit stated, the personal question of scarcity that takes it a step further asks, “What if there’s nothing better than being alone?” If there’s one every minute and there’s no time to waste, “why bother being in a relationship with these time wasters?” Who cares if someone immediately sees a person as smart, funny, independent, and beautiful, if that person doesn’t see that within themselves they will never be ready to date. It maybe a little bleak but think about it, even if a woman finds a ten out of ten perfect guy if she doesn’t believe she herself is one worthy of him she will never be able to meet him, “face to face.” So why even bother with relationships when we are all intimately involved in a story line of independence? Besides, there’s one every minute.